I'm so bored I could shoot myself in the foot. I just downloaded 'blue moon' by sam cooke, from the 'An American Werewold in London' soundtrack... that's a really good movie, and the dvd is actually loaded with all kinds of cool stuff. Anyways, I've been listening to that on repeat for the last ten minutes.

So, the other day I threw together some footage from Amanda's birthday while we were at Sequoia National Park, it's long - and some of it is probably pretty boring to anyone else. So, you've been warned. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wash the dishes for entertainment.

OK, so Chuck's leaving and that sucks, but it's obvious he's wanted to for a while, so in that aspect I'm glad (though it will be strange not having him around considering how inseparable we've been most of our time here). It's his life, I don't judge him for his decisions. Most of the people who know me know that I would just as soon move back myself, but I trying ignore that as an option. I think this will give him a chance to finish some things that are necessary for him to accomplish to be satisfied.

One thing I didn't know, though, until reading it just now is that I, myself, am also being deserted by the other two. Not the most pleasant surprise in the world. Apparently, much to my surprise and chagrin, Mike and Amanda will be finding a new place and I will be either moving in with some imaginary co-worker or residing in a wonderful, magical world where rent is cheap and you can move in whenever you want. I bet I'm very excited about that I would imagine, considering how much they've told me that they want the three of to stay together once Chuck leaves. Wait, that doesn't sound right. I'm confused...

Maybe I better think about this one some more. Until then, anyone have any suggestions on where I should live come this December?

That was the post I wrote last night at about 11pm. But now I really have something I need to say.

Are we mad at Chuck for deciding L.A. isn’t the place for him? Of course not. Are we mad at him for going back to Michigan? Not at all. Actually the three of us (Billy, Mike, and I) have talked about it on many occasions over the last few months and have said that if going back to Michigan is what Chuck really wants then we want him to go.

Am I incredibly frustrated with him? Yes. I have so many feelings about Chuck. I’m somewhat disappointed, sometimes he drives me crazy like a brother would, and ultimately I really want him to be happy and I hope he finds what he’s looking for. I really do. I care about him.

But right now I’m really pissed. I’m just gonna say it. No more hiding. I’m pissed. There, I said it.

I’m just frustrated with the way he chooses to go about everything. He doesn’t talk to us. He does stuff behind our backs. A lot of his actions just aren’t what you’d normally expect from a friend.

So Chuck is leaving on Nov. 12th. You all heard it before we did. The only other reference, to this plan of his, which I’ve actually heard from his mouth, was about 3 days ago when he said I could have his chair because he’s “going to Germany so I don’t have anything to do with it”. The rest I just pieced together myself. Honestly it wouldn’t have surprised me if we’d come home one day to find him packing up and driving away, completely without warning (it wouldn’t be the first time he’d done that to one of us).

I just don’t understand how him keeping us filled in on his plans would’ve been such a hard thing to do. It’s just common courtesy. Especially for friends.

If we really are his friends, and he is actually concerned about our well being, he would’ve told us right away and kept us updated so that we could have plenty of time to decide what we should do about our living situations. Instead we’re left speculating and assuming. We’re making our best guesses about what we should do next. And ultimately we’re just unsure about what’s really going on. It’s just weird and selfish.

I don’t understand.

I’m not the most confident person in the world and I have to admit I tend to take things personal when people say or do things I find negative and I often get very defensive. It’s not the most attractive personality trait, I know. I just want to be loved.

It’s been raining cats and dogs outside for about 6 hours now and the streets are totally flooded. I’m really enjoying the sound of the rain though. It was so cold in my room when I got home from work. I think it’s like 50 degrees out or something. I shut the window, put on a sweater, lit some incense and candles, made a cup of tea, threw a blanket over my lap and sat the laptop down. I’m finally starting to warm up. After 8 months of no rain this is a very welcome change.

So, I finally decided to sit down and write a post today. Then I thought, Damn I actually have a lot to write about. Like I’ve done a lot of things since I last wrote so I have a lot to catch up on. But then I thought, nobody wants a play-by-play of what I’ve done for the last month... how boring. No, they want to hear what I’ve been THINKING for the last month… not what I’ve been DOING… Isn’t that right?

Season Two: Chuck will be heading off to Germany soon, I’m not sure when, but I’m guessing sometime next month. And after that he’s headed back to Michigan for good. I hope Germany is good for him… I think it will be. As far as the rest of us, we’ll probably be moving out of this place the 1st of December. Mike and I are looking for something like a studio, loft, or guesthouse. I’m not sure if Billy will be staying by himself or rooming with someone from work perhaps. But wherever he ends up, I really hope it’s not too far from us. We’re all planning on staying in the same area for now; close to IKEA and all.

As you know, the guys have been branching off and starting solo blogs. Mike’s got Project Pedal, then there’s Billy’s Generic City… even Chuck is starting a new blog, though I don’t know what it’s called or how to find it. “What about The Girl?” you ask? I can barely keep up with this one, so no plans on starting another just yet. Sorry if that disappoints anyone.

I turned 25 a few weeks ago. I had a bit of a quarter-life-crisis for a minute. But over all, I’m pretty happy with my life. I’m getting really used to living here and I’m really happy we came. The first few months were full of change and self-discovery and all sorts of things… but I made it through… I think all of this has brought Mike and I closer together. I can’t really imagine not ever moving here. It really feels so meant-to-be. Not even living in L.A., so much as just moving away from home. I don’t really expect I’ll be living here forever but I know if I hadn’t left I’d definitely be living in Ypsi forever. And that’s a sad thought. I really needed this experience.

I almost feel addicted to moving now. Like now that I know I can do it, it’s some kind of rush or something. Mike’s friend, Tim, just moved to Hawaii. Wow, what I wouldn’t give to live in Hawaii. I want to go everywhere now… just experience as much as I can. I just want to know what it feels like to live in all of these different places. I want to go to Colorado, Maine, Oregon, Hawaii, New Zealand, Ireland, and Chile…. and so many other places.

I’ve been spending a lot of my time lately getting geared up for the bike trip. Since we’re leaving in May, I really don’t have a lot of time to get ready. I’ve started talking to some people on a bicycle forum. I’ve been asking about training and finding the right bike and stuff like that. It’s been pretty helpful… mostly it’s helped me to realize that I need to get moving. Mike and I have been working out at the gym about every other day or so.

It’s truly exciting on so many levels. Like I’m going to see so much of the country in a way most people never will, I’m going to learn so much about myself, I’m going to be in great shape (hopefully), and it’s definitely going to be the true test of our relationship. And then of course there’s the documentary. If we can pull this off and it goes really well it could totally change our lives forever… it could be everything we’ve been dreaming of. It’s so fun to imagine.

I’ve actually been meaning to write this post for a few days now. Last Saturday, my uncle Thurman and his wife had a baby shower. Jill, their soap director friend, who I dog/house sat for a few months back, actually threw it at her house. It was an evening cocktail party. Lots of men and women, drinks, appetizers, and baby gifts. Lot’s of fun.

Mike and I had a particularly great time spending most of the night talking with one of caliblog’s biggest fans, Paul. Paul is a friend of Tim and Tricia’s. When we first got here, he was the real-estate guy who hooked us up with the great (and very hard to get) apartment list. So apparently Paul has been religiously checking up on our site. He says he loves it. Wow. Can you believe that? Hell… we don’t even love it. So anyway. I’d had a bit to drink and we were yakkin it up.

He asked all about the apartment situation (or course being the realtor that he is) and I told him about what Mike and I were looking for and how I’m getting pretty excited about living alone with Mike again. Paul also asked about the bike trip doc. I shared my fears about the physical part of the trip and how Mike and I’s relationship would hold up and also about having my face and my life all over this film. I’m not sure how I feel about that. But I know I really want this film to be a success. He was the first person I’d been able to speak about this with. He shared, with us, some very inspiring stories about his own bike that he’d taken, on the east coast, a few years back. We talked about work and how it’s a struggle to pay the bills while trying to keep your life moving along toward your dreams.

It was honestly so incredible to talk to Paul. I really felt like he was totally sincere and honestly interested in everything we had to say. It was great. It made me feel great. I really don’t know how else to describe it. He sparked something inside of me. Some strange passion that I’d lost. He listened to everything we said so intently. Not with that “I’m just listening for my turn to talk” sort of way.

It was one of the greatest times I’ve had in months. Maybe because I was drunk, or maybe because I was just talking about myself (which let’s face it, everyone loves to do but hate’s to admit to). I’m not sure, but I’d actually started writing this post that night in Jill’s bathroom (in my head, as I often do) and some more in the car on the way home. But by the time I came in and hit the bed that was it for me… I was out. No post was in my future that night.

I realized later that Mike and I completely forgot to ask Paul for his email. We’d actually talked about this before the party, knowing that he would be there and that he reads the blog. Mike and I discussed how strange it might be…. And wondered if he’d secretly think we were assholes or something. So Paul if you’re reading…. Send us your email address. Please :)

Oh… and thanks.

Sure, I said I'd never post again, but I didn't sign an affidavit.

I was thinking there are a few things I should let everyone know. I wouldn't want to leave the awkward post to one of my roommates. So, here goes...

I'm moving back to Michigan. That's right, gang. Quit Caliblog and surely California will follow. For all the naysayers - you called it. I'm the first (and maybe the last) person going back to Michigan. I'm sure Billy wasn't the only one that saw it coming.

If I stayed in LA, I wouldn't be doing it for me. I'd be doing it because I was afraid of dissapointing someone. It's the wrong reason. Even for friends. It's a bad excuse for being miserable.

Are the roommates mad at me? Am I crazy with lonliness? Are my dreams of filmmaking being tossed by the wayside? No. No. And no. Everything is normal. I've just reached a point where I'm going to be more happy there than I am here.

Will I ever come back? Maybe. Who knows. I'm sure I'll try to horn in on Mike or Billy when they get famous. Hopefully one of them will let me be their personal assistant.

Maybe I didn't try hard enough to find something I enjoy. Maybe I should have given it more time. Maybe this is a bad decision all over again. I accept the possibilities.

If you really want the truth. Absolute and honest - here it is.

I was totally and completely unprepared for moving here. When I first brought up the idea, I think I was about half serious. Up until about a week before I left, I was still wondering if I'd made the right decision. Especially with the amount of opposition I encountered.

Before I knew it, I was leaving in a month. I was a bit off kilter. The only thing that kept me going was the initial excitement, which of course wore down after about a month. Before I knew it, I was in a whole new place with the same old problems. Only now I was 3,500 miles away from home.

I waited quite a while to make this decision. I wouldn't say that four months ago I was entirely stable. I wanted to go home then worse than ever. But I knew I'd have to wait until I could make a rational decision. I had to wait until I could tolerate my surroundings. Once California was bearable, I could leave it with no regrets.

November 12th, I'm taking a plane home. From November 15th to January 12th, I'll be spending some time with a friend (Pete) in Germany, then China. We'll be backpacking Europe a little bit, then going to Beijing to meet up with his wife, Marlene. I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to clear my head a little bit.

I don't really know what else to say. So... goodbye.

It's been quite an experience.

It's very strange how slowly over time, something that was once an outlet for us during a rough time in new surroundings... has at some point, become this cyber-pet that leaves you feeling guilty when you don't commit enough personal attention. I'm always aware of these 'puppy eyes' begging for me to play with it like I used to... and so I try... but it's not the same as it was in the beginning, is it...

We just don't write 'em like we used to. So... something more personal, eh? Lets see, today I woke up and drove Amanda to work, I don't have to go in till six - that's been happening a lot lately... all the hours have been cut. Which means my checks suck and I don't do much with the money I don't have. I ate some yogurt earlier, but I'm starving and keep occasionally wandering into the kitchen hoping that magically a buffet of mac & cheese with hot-dogs will appear inside the empty fridge. But no luck so far. Hmm.

Perhaps this is why the blog has gone downhill, driving people to work and eating yogurt isn't quite the same as moving across the country. And I actually, for some sick twisted reason, feel guilty when I don't do anything, and yeah part of that guilt comes from wasting a perfectly beautiful day in sunny California, but most of it comes from not having anything exciting to share on the blog. It's very strange. A lot of times I log into blogger, and click new post, and then just sit there, wondering what to write - I want to share my day, but I didn't do anything worth talking about, so what do I do? Okay, that's no entirely true, I always do "something" I could talk about, but at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, my day doesn't weight on my mind as much as other things. Like politics for example. Not even politics... these thoughts are far from partisan... I'm just pissed the country is being mind-fucked. Sorry for the language, but it's true. But if I write about that [what's on my mind], people tell me to shut the hell up, in so many words. So now, I don't have an outlet for my thoughts like I used to... I have a unrealistically-high watermark or expectation of entertainment - constantly expected to out-do myself with each passing post. But I suppose these things happen.

Don't get me wrong, I like the blog and all that mushy stuff, but it's the same for me as it is for you out there reading: not the same. You want a cross country adventure and I don't have it. And I want an outlet for my thoughts and I don't have it. But on the other hand, this feels good. Getting this strange-guilt, of not upping-the-ante, off my chest does come as a relief.

But for now, I'm going to try to treat this as my outlet... that may not be what everyone wants, but to half-quote Jon Stewart, "I can't always be your monkey". I'm guessing that my political "ranting" will die off after the 2nd... or maybe better [for our readers] this will become a blog about moving to Canada. Cana'blog? It's not as catchy unfortunately.

And with that, I will leave you all with some unwanted information I need to get off my chest: After many months of protest from the public, Bush & Cheney agreed to testify with the 911 commission [this is fairly old-news], but only under their terms, which included: no cameras, no transcripts of their "visit", no reporters, no outside witnesses, both Bush and Cheney insisted they testify in the same room at the same time, and strangest of all, both refused to testify under oath. Ask yourself why? Stay the course, America.

As you have probably already noticed, the blog has undergo a few changes... let us know what you think. Goodnight.

I want to conduct an experiment - I want to put an oversized sticker [or maybe 'billboard' is a better word] on my car, and I want to see if I would get hassled by the police or even the FBI, and if so, how quickly this might happen. Why would anyone do anything so stupid you might ask? I am curious to see if and /or how my exercising my first amendment right could get me labeled as a "social terrorist".

I started thinking about this after reading a handful of articles revolving around people being arrest, questioned by the FBI, threatened, fired, trailed, etc... for exercising their rights as an American. First I read about 'three teachers evicted from a Bush event for wearing "Protect our civil liberties" t-shirts. Then there was the man who was fired for asking questions during a Bush speech... the FBI had been trailing and later interrogated three young activists from Missouri. A man arrested for carrying an anti-war sign, inside the appropriate zoned-off area [while a man wearing a "I heart halliburton" t-shirt called him unpatriotic]. In all cases, the people were un-violently "petitioning the Government for a redress of grievances".

The definition of fascism reads: a system of government marked by centralization of authority under a dictator, stringent socioeconomic controls, suppression of the opposition through terror and censorship, and typically a policy of belligerent nationalism...

So what amendments have been heavily ignored under the Bush administration?

1) abridging the freedom of or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

2) the right of the people to be secure against unreasonable searches and seizures...

3) the right of citizens to vote shall not be denied or abridged on account of race...

To name a few... anyways, I truthfully don't want any trouble from the police of the FBI, but I have to know, first hand, how out of control things have gotten, I guess "under control" would be more acurate in this situation. Am I really free to speak my mind? Or would my saying, "U.S. Aggression Breeds Terrorism", get me redflagged? 20 years ago Erwin Knoll, was arrested for distributing copies of the Bill of Rights in a mall in Madison, Wisconsin. I would like to think that we have progressed from that point... become more reasonable... more open-minded and thoughtful. I'm affraid I might not like what I find...

Wow, Ohio represenative, Tim Ryan nailed this on the head. I considered labeling this speech something along the lines of, "girl's gone wild highlights", just so people would take the time to watch it. But in reality it's just a guy giving a speech, in it's defense, I think it is well worth the 1:40 it takes to watch.

Unless Kerry was goose hunting with an AK-47... then Cheney is an idiot. Eat it up, America... eat it up.

I just finished watching Oliver Stone's JFK -- and I must admit that I am now chilled to the bone. I know that the film is a work of fiction based around true historical events, but what is nagging in my mind is the fear that if one of the things in the film holds true, than... I am speechless... I am so many things that I have been dogmatically taught otherwise.

This film has left me feeling used by my supposed government, and I'm not referring to one party or the other, I am referring to the government as a whole, as a history... I don't even feel like voting. What's the point [although, I'm sure I will anyways] - it's all propaganda paid for with my tax money, it's all underlining the same goal - war is profitable - it's the biggest business in America, hands down, and voting is a lost cause... the voice of the people isn't going to change things for the better when it's measured by punch-holes. Something needs to be done... but I don't know what, or how.

"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government. " --Edward Abbey

What can I do as one person? Even if I vote someone in like JFK, who actually tries to change things, who is actually willing to piss some people off to make the world a safer place, he'll just be killed. It's too crazy to be true? I wish it was... look at his brother, who was looking to pick up where his brother, was so forcefully, left off... killed. I think that despite all the evidence in JFK that could be argued back and forth till the end of time, this is the one thing that stands out the most as proof, in my eyes: The day after JFK was killed, LBJ undid everything that JFK had accomplished with one signature... overnight... the whitehouse / war-room was back on track. I think that was the saddest day in American history.

Here are some other interesting quotes I felt like tacking onto this post, enjoy:

"...But when he [the people's champion] has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader." -- Plato

"Annual drug deaths: tobacco: 395,000, alcohol: 125,000, 'legal' drugs: 38,000, illegal drug overdoses: 5,200, marijuana: 0. Considering government subsidies of tobacco, just what is our government protecting us from in the drug war? " --Ralph Nader

"What all of this indicates is that despite the Constitution, despite the First Amendment and its guarantees of free speech, American citizens must fear to speak their minds, knowing that their speech, their writings, their attendance of meetings, their signing of petitions, and their support of even the most nonviolent of organizations may result in their being listed in the files of the FBI, with consequences no one can surely know. It was Mark Twain who said, 'In our country, we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.' " -- Howard Zinn

I need to go to bed now, it's late, and this all has just begun to sink in. It's raining here in California, it's been raining all night - pouring down. I love the sound of rain when I'm falling asleep... Amanda is passed out on the bed infront of me, she looks so beautiful in the glow of the tv... I think I'll join her.

I just wanted to take a moment to wish my little sister a happy birthday! Mandy, I miss you very much out here - it's hard to think about how much you are growing up so far away. I can't wait to visit again - and hang out with you. I love you very much, hope you're having a great birthday!

I have to thank Mark Maynard for finding this article - it's probably the Bush Administration's best kept secret.

But to begin this post, I first have to admit that I was wrong, I assumed that everything has fallen into the red since Bush has taken office, the budget of course, jobs have disappeared, massive cuts in educations grants and funding... so on. But there is something that has gone up statistically speaking: the number of abortions.

Here's a handful of excerpts from the article [which you can read in it's entirety here]

Abortion was decreasing. When President Bush took office, the nation's abortion rates were at a 24-year low, after a 17.4 percent decline during the 1990s. This was a steady decrease averaging 1.7 percent per year. (The data come from Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life using the Guttmacher Institute's studies.)

Under Bush, the decade-long trend of declining abortion rates appears to have reversed. Given the trends of the 1990s, 52,000 more abortions occurred in the United States in 2002 than would have been expected before this change of direction.

We found four states that have posted three-year statistics: Kentucky's increased by 3.2 percent from 2000 to 2003. Michigan's increased by 11.3 percent from 2000 to 2003. Pennsylvania's increased by 1.9 percent from 1999 to 2002. Colorado's rates skyrocketed 111 percent. We found 12 additional states that reported statistics for 2001 and 2002. Eight states saw an increase in abortion rates (14.6 percent average increase), and four saw a decrease (4.3 percent average).

For anyone familiar with why most women have abortions, this is no surprise: Two-thirds of women who have abortions cite "inability to afford a child" as their primary reason (Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life). In the Bush presidency, unemployment rates increased half again. Not since Herbert Hoover had there been a net loss of jobs during a presidency until the current administration. Average real incomes decreased, and for seven years the minimum wage has not been raised to match inflation. With less income, many prospective mothers fear another mouth to feed.

Women worry about health care for themselves and their children. Since 5.2 million more people have no health insurance now than before this presidency -- with women of childbearing age overrepresented in those 5.2 million -- abortion increases.

What does this tell us? Economic policy and abortion are not separate issues; they form one moral imperative. Rhetoric is hollow, mere tinkling brass, without health care, insurance, jobs, child care and a living wage. Pro-life in deed, not merely in word, means we need a president who will do something about jobs, health insurance and support for mothers.

So, hopefully everyone took the time to read the above clippings, they are ironic - if you ask me. But something I want to add, regardless of these facts; The president is looking to constitutionally ban abortions, his hope is that by taking away a woman's right to choose, he'll be saving lives in the end. But the truth of the matter is, if a woman is serious about not keeping her child, then that's it, the decision has been made, and there are other ways in which to get an abortion or have a miscarriage, but they are anything but safe.

note: apparently it is necessary for me to clarify that the above post is heavy with sarcasm. The topic and statistics are mind-blowing to me, they are frustrating... I take that back, they are infuriating, saddening, terrible, and a sick reality. But in the article's defense - they are a dark secret that needs to be brought out into the light - and something that has to be helped immediately. Okay... hopefully that helped clear things up a bit. End of note.

I just wanted to wish Billy a very happy Birthday. I wanted to post a picture to go with this but I couldn't find one... seems I don't have many pic's of Billy. Well, I'm just going to have to do something about that. Anyway, I couldn't have gotten through the last few months if I hadn't had Billy's friendship, support and sense of humor. So thanks, Billy. I love ya, man.

I just watched actual video of Kerry referring to Cheney's daughter during the debate. And I have to say, to read it is one thing - but to hear him say it is slightly another. It was the pause that changed the tone - he hesitated almost as if he was saying a bad thing, like Cheney's daughter was a convicted murder not a honor student... or something. So - I stand corrected, or I'm changing my view on that one... but eh, what the hell - it was still obvious he meant well by it, I think he might have kicked himself when he said it, but of all the words thrown around during the past few months... it's hardly worth the coverage it's been getting. And it's definitely not something to base a vote on.

I think it's funny when Kerry points out that Bush said twice - not once... twice - that he could care less where Osama is or what he is doing. And in response Bush says, see there Kerry goes again - blowing things out of proportion! When he said it! He said it - twice - and he doesn't even remember, or he thinks he can deny it like everything else and get away with it. But no - the most talked about subject from the debate is "the lesbian" remark... do we even care where this country is heading... not even heading - where we are?

I don't know what's gotten into me lately, I've been so unmotivated with posting for caliblog, I would say that it's from lack of things to talk about, but of all times that's least true now. I've been very busy with project pedal... I guess maybe I'm keeping myself too busy. Ah that's not true either, I give myself some down-time at least once a day. Who knows. Anyways, I'm posting now, so what to talk about.

I just got back from the gym with Amanda, I watched Bush and Kerry debate with the volume turned all the way and no sub-titles, so that was strange. Imagining what the two were talking about - what they were verbally-dancing around. Is it just me or does Bush always have a smug-look on his face - a half smirk... maybe it's just a biased opinion - or maybe it's better than the starry-eyed-blank-stared alternative he's so famous for.

You know, I've got to be honest, there is a part of me that is curious to see what would happen if Bush was elected... I wouldn't say re-elected... cause that's kinda still up in the air. Sort of the 'choose-your-own-adventure' scenario - if only I could flip ahead a few pages and see just how much further we could slip down...

How many more countries would completely turn their backs on us? "Don't forget, we've still got Poland". How much longer before we are hit at home again... waking up the world as to how much more unsafe our country is thanks to W's distractions in Iraq. How much deeper into debt we can fall. Just to see if it was possible for a president to have the payroll employment fall below it's watermark two for two on one man's watch. To watch the gap between the middle-class and the super-rich spread farther and farther apart. Hmm, what else? Bush's environmental record is so mind-boggling bad, that it's been pissing off life-long-conservatives... it would be interesting to watch that progress. I would get to see how many more times the world could watch the second-most-representative man for the United States tell someone to 'go fuck themselves'. But then the reality of not being able to jump back to Nov 2nd hits, and I get scared when I hear Bush reassure us that we are going to, "stay the course".

But I need to stop myself, I feel a rant coming on. You know actually, I need to just go to bed, it's 3 in the morning and I have to meet with a woman in west Hollywood tomorrow to discuss a project she is working on... I'm not exactly sure what I am getting myself into. I think it's a camera operator position, but I won't know for sure until tomorrow - or technically, today in a few hours. Being a night-owl can sometimes really suck.

Okay, well basically these pictures suck. I went picture crazy before we even arrived at Sequoia National Park. But luckily I brought my camcorder and Amanda had her camera [along with four rolls of film...], so after I import that footage on my computer and she gets those rolls developed, we can show you a lot more. But until then, it's just these very boring stills... sorry.


above: now that the picture is reduced in size for the web... it's kinda hard to spot Amanda, but she's in there.


above: it was about a four hour drive to the foot of the park from North Hollywood, and then a good hour up the mountain just to get the first lodge [which was only ten miles back], Amanda did most of the driving... just kidding, that's an inside joke. But hey, it was her birthday, so she shouldn't have to drive... right?






above: the above three pictures were taken in the middle of no where, but who ever carved them is really talented.

-- it's been a few days since I originally meant to post this... so I'm going to stop putting it off and just post this 'as-is'. The last few pic's are fairly self-explanatory anyways. --

For those of you who hadn't figured it out yet (no thanks to me), Zero won the contest. Before I posted about it, though, I was trying to get ahold him via his e-mail address, but so far I haven't had any luck. I guess I'll just have to wait to hear back from him. Sorry to keep you waiting, and a special thanks to everyone who participated, especially Jessica who had basically beaten the pants off of everybody through most of this game. If Zero never responds maybe she should win by default.

I know that's not a very good title for a post, but that's just what was on my mind at the time. Everyone will remember him for his title role in the Superman movies, the original of which is still considered the best comic book movie released to date, by some. Somewhere in Time, my friend Nikki's favorite film, has built a cult following since the late eighties. I have personally always loved Deathtrap, though I may be one of only hundreds who have even seen it. His guest appearances on Smallville were so well received, that there was talk of moving the entire set to New York in order to make Reeve a regular character on the show. I don't know how many people actually liked Chistopher Reeve, but I enjoyed him as an actor and had amazing respect for him after his tragic equestrian accident. His powerful spirit and determination was inspiring. I'll be honest, if I was to become fully paralyzed I wouldn't have the will to push on, let alone continue to strive and fight as he did. He never seemed to give up hope no matter how bleak the circumstance. Thank you for indulging me, I just wanted to write something in memorium of his passing. His presence will be missed. [1952-2004]

I thought I would take Cheney's advise and check out factcheck dot com... what he meant to say was factcheck dot org... but he [and his friend's] have a history of getting things half right. Burn. Anyways, so I took a look at the site and having read around some bit, I can't really understand why he would actually tell people to go there. The 'facts' don't paint a flattering picture for his administration:

It now appears certain that Bush and Cheney will end their term with payroll employment still below where it was when they took office, the first time that's happened since the Hoover administration. Read more...

A Bush ad claims Kerry's healthcare proposals would put "big government in charge" of medical decisions. In fact, Kerry's plan would leave 97% with the insurance they have now -- while up to 27 million who aren't insured would gain coverage.
Bush's claim turns out to be based on opinions from two conservative advocates whose predictions aren't supported by neutral experts. Read more...

Bush ads released April 26 recycle some distortions of Kerry's voting record on military hardware. We've de-bunked these half-truths before but the Bush campaign persists. Read more...

I wonder if he's actually read the website more than once. What's even more humorous is that the article he was hoping people would [half] read has been re-posted by the website restating that it did not defended his tenure as CEO of Halliburton Co. Funny stuff.

I wanted to write more but Amanda and I went to Sequoia National Park for her birthday and I just finished driving back the four hours.... so I'm gonna rest my head on the pillow and probably fall asleep instantly. Goodnight world.

note: the following entry was originally posted at proj:pedal.

Two nights ago Amanda and I caught a midnight showing of 'the motorcycle diaries' at the bridge. It was incredibly inspiring -- for myself especially because of the similarities between what I was watching on screen, and what I've been envisioning for so many months. What I loved most about the film was it so perfectly captured the 'one' thing that changed the young Che the most: people's suffering. The further and further from home he traveled the more indigenous people he meet along the way, who were being forced from their lives and homes.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, trying to put my finger on what one element from my first bike trip changed me the most? And how to apply it to the documentary - how will I be able to choose those moments [afterwards during post]? Over the course of ninety-some days and thousands upon thousands of miles, filled with so many subtle experiences, which will tell the best story?

note: the following entry was originally posted at proj:pedal.

I'm sitting alone in the living room... listening to 'spaces between days [pt.4]' by six parts seven - the laptop sitting on the diner table to my right, my "proj:pedal folder" on the footstool to my left. I just spent the last hour flipping through every last page of my notes, script drafts, and [the most depressing of them all] the budget outlines.

Some of you might be curious as to "what scripting can be done for a documentary revolving around a cross-country-bike-trip that isn't scheduled to begin for another eight months"? Well, honestly, not a whole hell of a lot. At least nothing too continuous, most of what is written at the moment resembles random scenes I'm still trying to piece together - scenes that probably won't find their place until post.

Sadly enough, despite all the [far more important] things I need to be catching up on, I can't stop thinking about the fact that [realistically] I'm going to be [financially] strong armed into filming with miniDV. How's that for being productive, eh? And it's not that I want to shoot on 35mm... I'm not at all interested in "film", and don't imagine I ever will be. The problem started when Amanda and I went to watch 'open water', only a few minutes into the movie, Amanda leaned over and asked, "what's wrong with the picture"? As if to imply that the projector was all funky. I whispered back, "it's digital... ya' know... miniDV, they used the kinda' camera I have". I knew what Amanda was really asking was, "is the documentary going to look like that"? For the rest of the movie I couldn't stop fantasizing about the crystal-clear-picture-perfect image quality I'd seen in documentaries like 'step into liquid'. But everyone has to start somewhere.

Speaking of which: I've got to get back to work. Goodnight world.

note: the following entry was originally posted at proj:pedal.

Some of you out there have stumbled onto this site prematurely as a result of my forgetfulness [temporarily leaving it listed in my profile], but in any case, whether you're new to the site or not; I would like to welcome you to the official grand opening of proj:pedal's website / blog.

I've spent a great deal of time and energy in the past month giving the site some depth by putting as much of the film's progress [as possible] here on the blog for you to follow, by exploring the drop menu(s) to the right you can view a [mock] teaser trailer, budget drafts, script rewrites, storyboards, the bike route, and much more...

Now that the site is up and running I actually have a lot to catch up on, I've fallen quite behind in my preproduction schedule. As of this moment the film has a long [and rough] road ahead of it: the budget drafts are still underdeveloped, the script is very fragmented, the storyboards are becoming a long list of "things-to-do"... but things aren't half as bad -- make that a quarter as bad as they may sound, I'm actually quite happy with the material I have on paper so far, and I'm keeping in mind that "nothing worth doing is ever easy".

So stay tuned, and you'll have front row seats to the long and painful process of independent filmmaking... before this ends I'll have been turned down, shut out, knocked out of the race, dragged through the mud, riding on the edge of disaster, against all odds, between a rock and hard place... and that's just preproduction. Strangely enough... I wouldn't want it any other way.