Around 12:30 I asked Mike if he still wanted to go running cause if not I was getting pretty tired and going to go to bed. He said no, he didn't feel good. I went and layed down in bed. About a half hour later he stood if front of me with running clothes on and said I'm going running, should I wait for you. I said that I had wanted to go earlier but now I was planning on going to bed. He left without saying anything and I felt like a major piece of crap for not going with him.

When he came back I was in bed. He came in the room, turned on the light, sat down, and opened the lap top. I rolled over and asked if he would use the computer in the living room so that I could go to sleep. -no response....

I got up, shut off the light, and lay back down. I tried to ignore the clicking of the key board and the big blue light that filled up the room. I'm a pretty light sleeper and wasn't that tired but I really wanted to try and get to sleep then because we've been staying up until 3 or 4 every night and I'm really trying to brake that. I also had lots of unpleasant thoughts circling around my head and I just wanted to escape them all and get some sleep. It wasn't working.

I rolled over and asked Mike again... And again....Still no response. He had been pretty bummed most of the night and I'd tried my best to be there for him, talk to him and be encouraging, and loving and stuff but nothing I said seemed to help. It really hurt my feelings that now he was completely ignoring me and totally disregarding my feelings. I got up went to the bathroom, then came back and asked one more time.... Still no response.... Like he didn't even hear me.

I got up and went to lay down in Billy's bed (he and chuck were in the living room watching TV). While I lay there I started to seriously consider going home to Michigan for the first time. I thought about how easy it would be to pack up my car again with all of my stuff and just drive back. Live with my mom and finnish the photography program at Washtenaw Community College. I mean what am I really doing here anyway? I don't have any idea of what I want to do with my life (I know I tell people that I do, but that's mostly to get them off my back, I know that sounds so bad) my roomates and I bicker all the time, all I do is work, I miss my family and friends, I miss my little house and my garden and my dog, and being surrounded by people who love me. And I'm with this guy who has no plans on ever marrying me (he told me so) and I just keep falling more and more in love everyday.... Why am I torturing myself?