I have a confession: I'm no inspiration to anyone.

People from every corner of the globe have left comments in our post, in our guestbook, in our forum, about how inspiring we are, and that we are so brave to have taken such a big risk [in moving here to follow our dreams]. But I don't feel it. When I read those things I feel like I am being deceiving. I feel like a liar. Someone who is trying to hide behind this one big 'risk' they took over three months ago.

I feel down tonight, or this morning, or what ever the hell time it is. Dazed and confused [just not as drug influenced]. And honestly, I don't even want to talk about this, I don't know why I'm sitting here writing any of this. Maybe I've just been working too many fucking hours at my soul-sucking job. That "soul-sucking" part was a little over-dramatic, wasn't it? Well, regardless:

Lately I've just been standing around at work for eight hours at a time, staring off into whatever... and thinking about the move out here. How it felt like so much momentum had been built up in the move, I felt like I could do anything, and then "bam!", I hit this soft cushion of routine, and I didn't even feel at it at first. But it's been creeping up on me; I've gone off track, I've slowed down and lost momentum.

I'm no inspiration to anyone: I work a boring job, I sleep too long, stay up too late, stress myself out too much on things that I know will come in time, I eat too much shitty food, I've been wearing the same pair of socks to work for the last three days... I'm normal, I'm boring, I'm confused. I'm too impatient to prove myself... I spend too much time staring at this damn computer screen, I spend too much time planning... Ugh...

Well, I feel better already. I might actually sleep decent tonight. The moral of this post is; "you are capable of more than you will ever admit to yourself", that's something I learned in cross country, and something I need to remind myself of more often.

I need inspiration, from you, do something you've always wanted to do and tell me about it. Go on a bike trip across the country, paint a picture, anything... I'm too tired to think of any more examples.

I'm glad we had this talk.