Nervous... anxious... unprepared... hopeful... scared... these emotions (and then some) keep coming and going (probably about as quickly as they can be read). I'm having one of those moments - better described as a panic attack. I can't focus my thoughts, or my feelings, I know I need to be positive, but one after another the: "what if..." questions keep surfacing. Questions I know damn well can't be answered with any other response than: I'll adapt. I'll compromise. Life goes on. I'm just moving...

Or am I?

Is it; I'm finally thrusting myself into the one place where I have no more excuses, no more bull**** to hide behind. I'll be in California and if I'm not filming/ editing/ or writing... at least my own projects then I don't have what it takes. Then I'm waiting for the "vanity crew" or the perfect opportunity, and they'll never come.
The days are counting down fast - and its not only [almost] time for me to: pack up... drive 25 hundred miles... find a new job... and a new place to live - but its time to: "do or die" (dramatic as it might sound).

Am I ready? I believe I am, and that (I think) is the best I can do, the best anyone can do. To sit here and say: 'I'm the next big thing [or] of course I'll make it', would just be cocky and arrogant. And thats no way to go into something as challenging and competitive as film making. No way to go into anything.

19 days and counting.... 19 days.