OK, so it was more than a couple of days since I left off on this post. I've been...busy. I noticed going back to my original post that I've lost about 20 comments from the comment box, which is really weird. They just disappeared! We'll have to look into that. Anyway...

So, from some of the e-mails that I've gotten and a few comments I received, it seems I may have given some people the wrong idea about my feelings on the subject of marriage. While it's true I am very apprehensive about entering the arena of holy matrimony, it doesn't mean that I don't want it. When I was younger I couldn't wait to get married. I was a hopeless, helpless romantic. In fact, my first serious relationship I didn't even think about it. It was just something that would eventually happen and I was fine with that. Obviously, that didn't happen, but I would probably still be married today if it had and been completely happy. That's a different story. Since then there have been some pretty horrible experiences and an extremely tragic event that have help relieve me of my penchant for marriage. But as far as me being "trigger-shy", let's just say that I've felt the right feeling before and I have no problem holding out for it again. You know, when I first started this post it was leading into some very personal revelations about me. I had actually written quite a large post that I wasn't even close to finishing about three days ago and after some consideration, I deleted it. I think I was sharing a little too much.

They call marriage an institution because you have to be crazy to have yourself admitted to it, right? O.K., maybe not. Everyone (with a few exceptions) wants to have a reciprocated loving relationship. Those who claim they don't are probably just screaming 'sour grapes' because they don't see it as a possibility. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I'm still a romantic at heart. I cry at sappy movies (heck, I cry at movies that aren't all that sappy) and I believe in small gestures to show a person that they're special. I'm just more uncomfortable with being that way anymore because it opens up an area of vulnerability. I don't know if it's more of a trust issue or a fear of loss. Why set yourself up to be hurt? The more you give them of yourself, the more of you they take with them when they go. I reached a point in my life where I would rather feel nothing than feel the pain and I think that I've hurt some really great people because of it.

You know what? This isn't going to be much of the post it was supposed to be if I'm not going to get into my personal history, which apparently I'm fighting every step of the way, since I'm constantly deleting whole paragraphs. So, I'm just going to leave it at this: I believe marriage is one of the most precious things two people can share with each other. It's a beautiful, beautiful vow of undying love and commitment. It makes me feel so good to see a happy couple that's obviously been together for years and it makes me long to have that same thing, but I if I have to wait, I'll wait. For those of you who are married, I wish you nothing but love and happiness. For those of you who aren't, yet, just make sure that you know that this is what you want for the rest of your life. There should be no Returns and Exchange Department for marriage...


-Just a quick addendum: For those of you who know me and think I'm too detached from the idea to let it happen to myself, the truth is there IS someone specific out there right now that, after I've done everything I came out here to do, I believe could very possibly be my "till death do us part." Stranger things have happened...