We have some computers at work that the customers can use. They put a credit card in a little slot and whirr away. Today a woman [mid-50's] told me her computer at home died and she needed help with ours. I'm pessimistic when people ask for computer help, because it usually means they want us to do the work for them. Sure as the pope is catholic, she didn't even know where to type in a web address. I wondered if her "computer at home" was a big paperweight with a plant on top.

They try so hard to get us to come out from the counter. If you tell them what to do [and I mean describe in perfect detail] they ask if you can "show them". Once again, show me = do it. It can be frustrating when you've got work to do, and annoying when you don't.

The customers at a copy shop are less patient than customers anywhere else [Please, tell me if I'm wrong]. Everyone there has a deadline they have to meet, and waiting in a line for longer than 30 seconds is digging into it. I've never seen so many lines of impatient people.

Additionally, they expect results to be immediate. I've taken orders from several people who say "Don't worry, I'll wait." and become enraged when they find out we have other orders to take care of before theirs. A few hours is always too long. They have a plane to catch or a meeting to get ready for. You'll hear every variation in just a few weeks.

Everyone is on a deadline, everyone will get fired if they don't get this project in on time, everyone is working for an asshole director that told him to do it in a couple hours, and everyone's children will starve if you can't get them 10,000 copies in an hour. You're not working for them, you're working with them, and the team captain ain't happy.

In reality, all these people have had days to get it finished and they've seen too many movies like Jerry Maguire where someone storms into a copy shop at 3am and gets a flashy portfolio done in fifteen minutes. [I can't stand that scene, by the way. That job would take hours.] Sadly, Hollywood, which has given us so much, teaches us all these terrible lies.

After a while, you become immune to the insults, threats, and bribes. They try very hard to make you feel like it's all your fault, and the weak ones will quit. Those who don't threaten will bribe. They offer to slip you a bill or ask what your manager's favorite bottle of wine is. I'm not exagerrating.

Thankfully, I'm thick skinned. I get more pleasure out of acting stupid and snickering inside my head while they act like I'm incompetent and ask to speak to my manager. They always tell them the same thing I did. Like parents with the "unified front" technique.

It's not always like this. Sometimes people genuinely just need help, and it feels good to do it. Most of the time, getting it by 6am works out fine. They drop by in the morning, all smiles, to pick up the project that they thought was in the toilet. When I can tell it's one of them, I always work hard to make it look great.

I'm not jaded. It's just more fun to write about the jerks.