so here it is...

this is my last post on caliblog. a lot has happened over the last year or so. after about 4 1/2 years together mike and i broke up. he broke up with me last valentine's day. it came as a surprise, to say the least. obviously we didn't make a big announcement or anything. it actually took several months for our relationship to come to a true close. in april, i moved out of the apartment we'd been living in with billy. then, in may, i made the decision to continue working with mike on pedal. we took off to film the documentary in june and the rest is history. our lives will never be the same. at this point it's hard to say if that's a good thing or a bad thing. but i still believe everything happens for a reason.

i can't imagine what my life would be had i not met mike at the ypsilanti target almost 6 years ago. falling in love with him changed my life. living with him taught me so much, and i am a different person because of it. i'm a better person. i am happier and peaceful.

i'm thankful for all of the wonderful experiences we shared and great things we did. i'm happy that we moved to LA. i am happy that we finally made some wonderful friends. i feel very loved by them. i'm glad that mike showed me a new way to watch a film. i'm glad the we created an idea for a film and haven't given up yet. i'm excited to see how it will turn out.

i'm proud of mike for all that he's accomplished since we've lived here. i'd like to tell jim manley to shove it! in your face, asshole. i wish mike a very happy 26th birthday.

it makes me sad that we no longer celebrate our birthdays together. but that's life. and life will go on. he knows i love him. i care about him. we're still best friends on some level that we'll always be.

it hasn't been easy for me. i won't lie. we don't talk or see each other much. that's mostly my doing. it's still too hard for me sometimes. i'm just doing what i need to do. but it's getting better.

while on the road filming for pedal, in north dakota, i found a beautiful 9 wk chocolate puppy on the fort berthold indian reservation. i named her charlie. she is the new love of my life. taking care of her and watching her grow has warmed my soul. after we returned from filming i moved in with my step-sister amber. her best friend, rebecca, decided to try something different, and moved to the wilderness of oregon. so i took rebecca's room in a beautiful 3 bedroom, 2 bath house with a great back yard and pool. charlie and i share the house with amber, her 2 dogs, and joel. joel is from chicago. he's great fun. it's really nice to finally have a home. before settling in here i spent about 6 months wandering from one temporary place to the next. living out of a bag, boxes or a van. sleeping on couches, in guest rooms, hotels and tents. it's nice to finally have a home. to finally feel loved and supported.

it's interesting to spend time alone. i'm learning a lot about myself. about life and how i see it. i'm finding out who amanda really is. this is the first time i've been single since i was 13. it's different. i like it. i'm enjoying myself. learning to love myself. this is the first time ever in my life that i've been alone and not felt lonely.

it's kind of sad to leave caliblog. thanks to everyone who has followed along with our story. it's been fun. i'm so glad we have this record. i love what mike has done with the new layout and look. i'm glad he took my advise and will continue posting here. i'd like to have a blog/vlog of my own someday. when that day comes, i'll be sure to let you all know. i'd like to give a shout-out to seth. he's possibly the oldest caliblog fan who doesn't actually know us. he's stayed with us all of this time, and frankly.. i'm impressed. thanks. to everyone else... take care and i'll see ya around :)

peace.