I need to vent. There are "too many things... too many things". I have a list in my head of goals -- long term, short term... either or. But I've been stressing myself out because the order of these goals "should" go one way, but I really, really "want" them to go another... I just can't focus on the ones that need to be taken care of first. And it's beginning to be a problem.

To explain: here's a run through of my goals in no particular order: restart 'synergy' [the digital production company I had back in Michigan -- doing things like putting theatre and sports on DVD]... this way I can make a decent living and not live check to check while trying to save for a cross country bike trip. The only problem is legally it has to be set up a completely different way than it was in Michigan because people are a little more strict when it comes to copywrite laws. Then after I'm making a living off of 'synergy', I need to finalize the budget plan for 'proj: pedal' and start figuring out a way to then raise that money. While at the same time finding a trustworthy crew I can hand my notes and scripts over to. I need to be training more. I have a few short films I really, really want to film before the half-way mark of pedal's deadline [which is only May 29th]. I guess that's a fairly short list... but each different thing first requires about a hundred little and not so little things. Not to mention the post-production for proj: pedal, I can't even think about that step without getting misty eyed. I'll just worry about that when the time comes. I don't think [budget wise] I have any other choice.

I guess the bottom line is... money. I'm right back where I started with my first post: "Broke as a joke" [as The girl would say]. But I have to believe that with a lot of hard work, and an equal amount of faith that things will work themselves out.

Preparing for a film feels like preparing to jump over a bottomless crevasse. You do you're best to give yourself a long enough runway, you visualize the jump, picture yourself landing on the other side. Telling yourself; "I know I can... I know I can". But in the end there is only so much you can do: jump. And have faith that God will see you across to the other side.

Or I guess you could build a bridge out of anything you can get your hands on... but I don't know exactly how that translates into my metaphor. I guess in that scenario you would just pray you're not a shitty MacGyver. Either way, I'm trying say that George Michael was right.